I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
