i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize