My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
