is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
