Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
