Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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