WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
