apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
