I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
