Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
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