Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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