I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
one two three fourrrrnication!
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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