I want to have your abortion
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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