Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
