I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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