He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
