fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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