Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
