am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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