All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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