There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
