Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
