i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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