Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
