Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
