Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
