I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
