put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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