Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Well I just put wine in my tea
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
