there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
