Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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