I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Randomize
