i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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