I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
