Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
