i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
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I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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