I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize