I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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