Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
