no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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