Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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