Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
