He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize