2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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