oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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