I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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