you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
