so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
