i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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