You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
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She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
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People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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