You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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