whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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