I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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