Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
