Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
two words: eviction party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
