when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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