I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
