I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
