My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
