Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
