standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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