The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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