did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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