my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
