I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
