just come out here and I will go home with you...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
