oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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