I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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