R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
