Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
