Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
even my farts smell like vagina
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
