can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize