There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
