Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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