She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
