the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
