ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
